Question and Answer
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Math and Life
"My life is all arithmetic," the young businesswoman explains. "I try to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Mathematicians and Bars
Three mathematicians walk into a bar. You'd think the third one would have ducked.
Teacher: Ralph, if your father had 10 dollars and you asked him for six dollars, how many dollars does your father have left?
Teacher: You do not know your math.
Ralph: You do not know my father.
An Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it. The mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
The Hot-Air Balloon
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" They hear the echo several times.
15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a balloon!!"
One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
"For three reasons: (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."
The Log Joke
Billy needed to integrate the function 1/(1+x). Stumped, he glanced around the class, and saw that Amy, who always got things right, had written "log(1+x)", so he copied the answer from her.
Of course, Billy was a sharp tack himself, so in order to prevent himself from being caught copying, he rewrote the answer as "timber(1+x)".
The Make-Up Test
Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday in another city -- even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they oversleep, and when they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.
They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on back roads, it took hours until we got help."
The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing. The first question -- five points out of one hundred -- is a simple exercise in integration, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
A Mathematical Love Story
Did you hear about the romance novel written by a famous mathematician? It starts off with:
The two lovers ran towards each other like two trains, one leaving Boston at 3:36 PM traveling at 42 miles per hour, and the other leaving Chicago at 4:18 PM traveling at 53 miles per hour...
Math Saves Lives
A math professor was explaining a particularly complicated calculus concept to his class when a frustrated pre-med student interrupts him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the pre-med blurts out.
The professor pauses, and answers matter-of-factly: "Because math saves lives."
"How?" demanded the student. "How on Earth does calculus save lives?"
"Because," replied the professor, "it keeps certain people out of medical school."